So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
