I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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