he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
