That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
