after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
