Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I wear drunk well.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
