He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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