I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
