I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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