i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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