Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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