At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
