i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
