It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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