So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
