that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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