my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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