I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
