He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
