Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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