Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
