I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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