its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
