The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
