i just sent this text using only my big toe
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
