On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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