hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
