??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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