I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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