it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Even my vagina gasped.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It's no shave November. This is our time.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
