I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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