so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
