My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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