Plan B is the new Plan A
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
