only you would photoshop your dick
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
