I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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