if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
