Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
