She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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