We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
