I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
