In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
