So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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