Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
