The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
