stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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