you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
