we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
