I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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