I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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