:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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