I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
