I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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