she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
