i can't believe i had my finger in that
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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